not sure what to make of it all

two weeks ago i went to a wedding of a good friend outside of a large east coast city. this friend, his parents and his (now) wife are all avowed atheists. they aren't just unchurched, they really have moved past the whole idea of god and do not believe. they are good friends, but i have the feeling that while they respect the works of charity the church does etc... they probably really just don't get what it is i and so many others see in all this faith stuff.

however, her parents, although lapsed church goers, have not moved that far and so they insisted that the wedding be held in the baptist church where she had gone to preschool and where they are nominally members i believe. her dad had recently recovered from a very serious illness, so i believe he was having a renewed interest in this "god stuff."

so, having set the stage here is what happened. we arrived at the wedding with 3 other couples(all the guys were my college roommates, 2 catholics and one non-practicing protestant) and sat in the pews with a fairly diverse group of individuals(i can only imagine the number of faiths and non-faiths expressed in those 125 folks) who had come for this wedding.

everything coming out of the mouth of the pastor was as christian as you can get, totally god and christ-centered. he even tried to preach a meaningful sermon. we prayed the lord's prayer, recieved a trinitarian benediction. all prayers and words that have deep meaning for christians and the influence of her folks was obvious.

but the readings, the parts picked by the couple, were readings from selecular sources such as a short story from a literary magizine, a reading from the velvetine rabbit and from the prophet(by kahlil gibran). you could tell by the choices of all three readings that they held deep meaning for the couple as well. but for me, they were nice words yet lacking the depth of faith.

the thing was, the service was meaningful. but it was meaningful in a way that missed something for me. it was "spiritual" but it wasn't faithful?(i am not sure if that is the right word)

the point of me writing this is that as i was sitting there, i wondered what i would have done as the pastor that day. the couple live in another city, he probably won't have contact with them again in their lives. so the opportunity to walk with this couple in their lives and witness to them will not be there. basically it was a one shot deal of cultural christianity mixed with the reality of unfaith.

so what do we do when we are asked to do a wedding like this? we certainly can refuse, but make no mistake they will get married by someone. would love to hear some reflections here on this reality because i am certain we will all be faced with this situation again and again in ministry. thanks for the comments and reflections.